End of break seems also the end of deep restful sleep. Despite the long reads into the wee hours, the Worry Brigade has been back with a fuller force.
Still, life is not without its bright spots, if one is intent on looking at the bright side.
Such as when Facebook threw back a four-year-old memory at me and I had to make a new post of it to remind myself of how far I have gone on this creative journey.
I will be working on art pieces today, plus a lot of journal writing as I force my way through a matter that has been blocking and cornering me for weeks. I suspect it is the root of the nightmare and my insomnia, and also the cause of many small illnesses that have been poking at me off and on since that job interview.
Getting back into the administrative and backstage work has been exhausting as they eat up a lot of hours. The shops and the art-making are a full-time job. The only time things started to move was when I embraced the full-time-ness of it. Before, I was just doing it part-time, always making space in my days for dayjob projects and allotting more hours for the dayjob when it came. The lulls brought me back to square one every time, because people forget and people don't really miss me. There are always other options than what I offer.
I am beginning to understand now, to a certain extent, the obsession about brands and of the people who do brand work. I am, in a way, building myself as a brand. The difference is that I am not out for ever increasing ridiculous amounts of income. I just want to earn enough to live a decent life from now until I pass on, and a decent life for my parents at the very least. (And in my Patron-only page in Patreon, I give detailed weekly accounts of how I spend money so my patrons can see that I am a reasonable and responsible artist, despite the common impressions of us possibly being too mad, spontaneous, impulsive, illogical, impractical, or the like.)
To counter the financial mess that is July, I joined in a global celebration of July as Watercolour Month.
I'm thinking expansion of audience, increased awareness for my work, possibilities of new friends and networks. Also, since it is global, I have better chances of being appreciated and at the same time learning from a wider range of subjects and styles. Local seems a dead end for me now, or Facebook really just has horrible display algorithms and the local people who could help are not really seeing my distress flags (or I am simply not eliciting that much love) (or I am still not being very clear as to what I am asking for -- worth thinking about).
So much to get done. I'l leave off here.