I'm three books away from my Goodreads 2016 Reading Challenge. I am currently actively reading ten books. We'll see which ones make it to the finish line.
I was sick the other day, and was throwing up way past midnight, and was in bed for most of the time watching another girl on TV curled up on the floor just like me because she was also sick. Except that her story progressed into having a happily-ever-after while I stayed curled up on my bed making my illness worse by worrying about whether the client's paycheck would make it before Christmas or if I had to bear the tension of a tight budget until January.
Last night I had one long nightmare about a big project I am supposed to do in January. I was horribly stressed when I woke up. I also know that the thought of going back to regular work next year has been weighing on me.
The other night I dreamt of a giant monster fish, large as a seven-storey building, all dark and spiny and sharp and menacing, rising up out of a river. It hovered in the air for a while and then splashed back into the water, causing an overflow that washed all the streets clean. The day before that I chanced upon a post that said dreaming of water is good because it means a purification.
I am feeling the urge to throw things away again. Yesterday I re-arranged my studio for the nth time because I am still having difficulty working with the very limited space and light.
I found out today that the paycheck I'm counting on is not going to be released this year. This means missing rent payment for the new year and further tightening of the budgets until I get word on when I can expect to get paid.
I spent the afternoon in a Korean cafe on an Artist Date. I wrote in my journal, tried to draw, and then I painted in my Moleskine sketchbook. The moment I started painting I felt the tightness in my heart begin to ease, and I felt the layers of disappointment loosen. It was as if a fairy godmother had waved a wand over me and spoke a spell of comfort. I felt myself become more person and less pumpkin. Someday I will finally become enough to wear those glass slippers and actually get to dance at the ball.