I have finally started to let go (i.e. make available for purchase) of my Red Sun series, although I still have plans of making more pieces for that set.
Yesterday I completed an art supply run that was basically buying half-pans to update my colour palette. I refrained from any additional purchases because what I need to really do is make from the materials not just hoard them.
Today I am beginning to feel the fatigue of nonstop chores and errands since Saturday, which is another layer on top of the dayjob adulting that has barely paused since December. I want to take today off. No, I want to take the rest of the week off. Seriously. Maybe I will. This will be my only chance because after Easter the dayjob begins again.
I should be painting already, but sloughing off the crusted layers of daily life and duties to get to the heart of creating has been a full-time job in itself. The cauldron is cold. The fire needs to be stoked. But oh, this perpetual exhaustion! This neverending attendance to obligations and expectations!
Even the art shops carry their own demands away from the actual creation. Once again I am up the dead-end wall trying to be seen by the right kind of art lovers and buyers. There is progress, but so small and slow. Yet I persevere. Sometimes it doesn't make sense even to me why I bother. But then something reminds me why.
Last night I had a rather soul-shaking anxiety attack. I wished I would fall asleep and never wake up. But I woke up this morning. And here I am.
Sometimes I suspect it is just a loneliness speaking. And that eternal exhaustion.
All I know is that if I had not found the Wildforest then something would have gone very wrong, and many other things along with it.