Migraine struck today. I am writing this with a wince, and with all the lights off in the tiny studio. And with the screen brightness dimmed to a tolerable level. I cannot not write so despite my other desire to just lie still in bed in silence and darkness I made myself get up and write.
It is way past noon and I am propped up by a fresh hot mug of coffee. The morning was spent drifting in and out of waking dreams and story plots and painting pieces. I should have eaten lunch but I am not hungry. Not for food anyway.
My head feels heavy and full and tight. My eyelids feel weighted with stone. My body is on shutdown mode, shuffling along as if asleep.
I might as well write. The migraine has a will of its own and will stay or go as it wishes. I might as well write while it makes up its mind.
I am pulling myself together to recover. Not just from this headache but from the assaults of reality in the past weeks. It is like wading through thick churning water. I am pulled in every direction and I keep on falling away from where I am supposed to be.
I am in limbo. And this writing is a thin thread that keeps me tethered to my true self. I have been unable to sustain any creative task as I easily get distracted or exhausted or both.
The closest to useful thing I have ever done for the past few days is to create presence for my artwork and the art shops online. At least there is that. I have been doing a lot of behind-the-scenes work to create image files and to post and to promote. The visibility of my art has multiplied as I gained followers and promoters in Society6 and my Art Page. I have also elicited more responses than ever across my social media. The tribe has been most helpful in spreading the links as well, bless their hearts. Movement and momentum. This is probably what a salmon feels like swimming uphill (and then being devoured by a waiting bear).
I am in suspense waiting for recent orders to reach their destinations. Already, one seems to have lost its way. An original painting named Saturnina. I have a high-resolution file of it which I have uploaded for sale as prints and as product design. I will make another to replace the lost one.
In case you want a piece, head on over to my Society6 Shop,
This post isn't really much of a piece in itself. Mostly rambling and way too much whining perhaps. But it is all part of this artist's creative journey. And sometimes it helps to show that not everything is sunshine and roses. That it is a natural way of every life to have difficulties, even those that seem so blessed and fortunate. Not everyone wants to share nor see shadows when standing before an audience.
But do not mistake this for ingratitude. I remain grateful for every good and kindness. I remain hopeful. With less than a week left for miracles. I am preparing myself for Plan B.