There is a strange mad part of me that actually wants to tell the world what's happening with me right now. But the sane part is still stronger most of the time, at least when it comes to posting anything on the internet!
I am in a new situation. New in the sense that I have never been in this stage or phase of my creative journey since I started out. What I mean is that, before, all the paths had been quite familiar and relatively safe. I had Ariadne's thread in my pocket. Now, the thread seems to have run out, and a different magic is needed. The paths are not too familiar though they hint at known Things.
It is Tuesday morning. I have to begin on a painting that will be a gift to my best friend who is visiting from Canada. I will meet her on Thursday and it will be such a boon to my spirit! But first, today, I must paint.
Then I must tend to a very long list of tasks that I made yesterday afternoon while I splurged on a very cold chocolate hojicha in a Japanese cafe. So many small things that need doing. So many big things that need money to move. So many accomplishments that are so close and yet remain untouchable.
The art shop still beats and breathes. It is an infant in an incubator. I want it to survive. I want it to grow wings. Soon. Now.
You know that scene in The Two Towers when it was almost dawn, and King Theoden rode out with what remained of his allies, ready to die, and at the last minute, the wizard arrived with the Rohirrim. And Eomer shouts, "To the King!" and the sun rose behind them, blinding their enemies, bringing victory.
Two weeks to go. The old patterns stutter. Chaos trickles in, terrifying and teeming with possibilities.
I am in between worlds. Hurtling through an eternal space where a smudge of doubt in oneself can prove fatal.
I have taken risks. Taken chances. So long. So alone.
I need a miracle.