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A Deep Breath Before Plunging into the Day



Last night our mama cat gave birth to four kitties. It was an unplanned and unexpected birth because she was already to be scheduled for spaying but then we were too late.


I am extremely stressed now because of the cost of keeping them. I can manage it but not without a lot of scrimping and sacrifices from my own needs. I have already cancelled the grocery trip I had scheduled for this week to stock up on personal supplies in order to rechannel the funds to pet supplies.


Mama cat was taken in by my dad a few months ago with her then freshly born first litter. Last night was her second litter.


My dad has always been a short to medium-term planner with an extreme unarticulated faith that things will eventually sort themselves out.


I happen to be one of the “sorter”, hahaha.


The cats have become something like surrogate grandchildren for my dad, since my sister and I have just been way too odd and complicated to become mothers ourselves.


To be honest, I am glad I just have to take care of cats.


Anyway.


I really wish now that I got at least one paycheck before the lockdown.


Yesterday I became aware of the IPCC report on Code Red for Humanity and it has been pressing upon me and adding to the overall stress. I feel helpless, mostly. But at the end of the day it will boil down to what I can do with what I have. It all counts, it all adds up. Blaming is wasting time. What can be done right at this very moment? What small and big choices can be made that will build up day by day that will eventually begin to nudge towards a positive change? I am already thinking of bringing up specific recommendations to my corporate clients, even if unofficially, to say out loud my stance on certain things and make that small effort to make the ones with the power and the means move in the true and right direction.


I really am not a cheerful, happy-happy kind of artist, am I? Heehee.


In any case, I will paint something today. In my own way I will add to the narrative of putting nature and ecology first. No matter how small or insignificant it may appear. Planting seeds, planting ideas, planting inspiration. Rekindling hope.

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