Since last week I’ve been in a very “flowing” state and it has been difficult to get into a dayjob mode.
The flowing has to do more with my creative work — now both writing and art-making and the feeding needed to fuel both — and the flow has become a little bit like a flood strong enough to reshape a landscape.
From my experience this simply means that I am on a right track, though I’m uncertain as to where it is supposed to lead. Things and events converge to support it. Helpers and aid show up. Signs manifest, both obvious and obscure, yet equally difficult to fully decipher.
Today I had planned to get some sideline dayjob tasks done. But the segregation bins I ordered have arrived and now I can’t wait to set them up. And then I can’t wait to haul out all the other house things for disposal. A very strong urge to clear spaces and to declutter has been pressing hard on me. It feels like I have to keep moving and doing or else I won’t get to the next clue or hit the next save point or level up.
I can feel a tugging from the core of myself. A hidden unarticulated certainty. You need to do this now. This is what you need to do. And when I do follow it I can feel tiny things falling into their tiny places. Nothing significant. But we all know how every bit adds up. How every little step builds up.
Yesterday I somehow made eight new small postcard-size art pieces. Today I want/need to make more, but bigger — cut large sheets into a dozen 8x10 papers. Then move into A4s, then A3s… There is an overflow inside me that needs release, a dam needs to be opened.
Deep inside I know I am spell-casting. What started sometime more than a week ago was a big long-stretch kind of spell-making. Crafting some good luck and fortune, calling out to love, casting protection.
Way back in the 1990s I was a practicing witch but found I could not rigidly subscribe to any one of the “categories” that sprung up during that time. I felt my way through designing my own practice and then I internalised them so that there were no longer any visible “rituals” or costumes or even labels. There have been too many cliches and templates mostly concerned about how things look and seem and not much about how a life is actually lived and how big and small choices manifest the core of belief and faith.
I believe in magic. I think that is the whole point. This has nothing to do with religion, at least for me. But it has everything to do with who and what I am as a person, as a human being. The word itself is so loaded with both serious stuff and crap, pretty much like love, but I believe in both nevertheless and I abide by my own compass regarding them. I find that it is the only way to live so as not to constantly wish to die. Magic and love all tangled up with two other overused and worn-out words: heart and soul.
It’s 10:31AM. My book delivery also arrived today. Tuesday wants to be claimed for the heart-stuff like Monday. We’ll see.