My insomnia has outdone itself last night. Absolutely zero sleep. Not even a half-hour of peaceful rest or reprieve. My head hurts now, and I had to get up early because I have a 9-5 thing.
Today I have to do two sideline tasks that I am not exactly into but I had to say yes because I need to buy groceries and pay bills. It's one of those jobs that tend to seep through and muddy up parts of your day or your life. I realize that empaths would find this job pretty tough, having to absorb people's stories and energies and letting yourself slide into their feelings so you can be genuinely sincere in your reactions and responses and also be able to navigate through the session with useful results. It's the job that requires you to invest a certain level of care if you want to do a real good job of it. I did this task many times when I was employed. By the time I left, I was carrying so many other people's stories and agendas in my head that there was no longer any space left for my own.
I thought I'd give it a try again maybe it wouldn't be too bad but I didn't enjoy it much last week. It was a package deal so I had to do three sessions of it and the two are booked on the same day today. I highly suspect that the insomnia used it as a boost to keep me uncomfortably awake all through the night.
My (ideal) next course of action is to only accept this kind of job when absolutely necessary and as one of the last solutions. I prefer to do the other kind of task which still immerses me in the conversations but I am outside of the actual exchange and only there for documentation and initial data processing.
Right now the job even overlaps with another project so I am extra tired and vulnerable to all the not-so-good feels. I haven't been able to do the kind of studio work I need to do for more than a week. The art shop is in limbo, unattended, fast fading into obscurity as nothing new is added or featured.
We'll see. Maybe I will get the hang of it after three tries. Maybe. I would like to be able to shift farther away from a scarcity mindset. I am trying so hard.
I hope that at the very least it pays as soon as tomorrow or the weekend.