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In Perpetual Process

Good thing I've more or less learned to trust my process. It's not a thing that actually ends but goes on and on. When you reach a new level it just moves on to the next.

My biggest challenge now is my daily routine. I am on full-time work which demands a lot of deep thinking and significantly depletes my mental energies at the end of the day. I am the primary house manager at home, and that job takes a lot of emotional energy. There isn't much of me left in the evenings of a work day. Working from home has been a great bonus but that also sets me up for simultaneous role-playing during a workday. Between work tasks, I am frequently interrupted by house concerns, cat feedings, and trouble-shootings.

I knew that things badly needed some kind of change when I went to the Art Mart last weekend with very little preparation. I was fortunate that what I had on hand was able to compensate and I was able to break even at the very least. But I saw how much I lost in terms of opportunity by not being as well-prepared as I used to be. I had about three weeks before the event but the work was on full load and the house was an utter mess and I was dead in the evenings.

So this week I have a chance to play out a new routine. There will be another Art Mart this weekend and this time I cannot just go with what I have on hand (many were sold out). Hence, yesterday I made time in the evening to do preparations while overriding the fatigue pressing down on me.

Later today my plan is to print sticker sheets and send an update on an order made online. But I also have to make time for reading which has now evolved into two types. I do reading to learn and reading to escape. Though given the recent pressures and challenges at work, I have been doing more reading to learn.

My pain point with my art right now is getting deep into the forest. I have become so grounded in the realities of my work and my home duties that it has become harder for me to dream.

I need to find for myself a sufficient amount of currencies to launch deep into my art-making again. To have enough time, energy, space, and funds. Most just keep on getting consumed by responsibilities and to be honest there are days when I get tired and angry about it. Also very frustrated.

This morning I started the day by feeding the cats. Then I made myself a coffee. I have my breakfast ready to heat but I think I'll put it off until I've put in some work. I took my medicine. And then I decided to write this. It's a reclaiming too. A tiny nudge against the edges of the forest. I used to plunge deep into work way before the official time-in. But now I'm going to try giving those extra hours instead to myself, especially to my art. It will just be a little harder for me to flow into work but we'll see.

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